First before you say anything, lets just go over the photo, the top is a repeat you have seen it, the skirt is not actually a skirt, it was a dress (off shoulder or one shoulder) my sis sent me for my birthday, but it was sooo short I turned into a skirt; am too old for that kind of short unless they are short short shorts:-)

I also realise that my top would have looked better if the knot was a little bit higher, which is something I will work on next time, my wedges maybe zime parara but these shoes have pounded many streets, and I never think to clean them. That is my analysis on that matter, now you can ingia with your comments!

There is another shady pose for your enjoyment. Taking pictures is something you should try, it makes you see what you need to fix, the mirror lies sometimes! Like now I see my whole leg needs professional help. And now you can see clearly the top part of that dress clearly, I still have to take it to the fundi for tweeking!

Coffee and Crumbs

Since the last time I was here which I think was last friday, not much has happened, I missed the wedding of the century, one of Angelinas many cousins was getting married and I hear it was a state wedding and really I should have gone, coz Angelina tells me the whole of Nairobi was there!!

But the reason why I did not go: on Friday I went to see some friends of mine huko Kili, then I found out they wanted to go visit some naija brodas in Imara Daima, si I jumped on that wagon, by the way that friend of a friend in kili had a closet to die for, its long since I saw a birkins bag upclose, let me just say here that you can sell a birkins bag and buy 2 Vitz!

When I arrived at imara, I think I drank the whiskey a bit too fast and you know the way Naiga can cook with alot of pepper,  plus other things were in the air, because me I think at one point I started hallucinating.

So Sato I was down feeling the aftermath and suffering in silence! I can do all bad by myself thank you very much!

From the Discovery Chanel

Angelina just discovered this great great Mama with us here in Nairobi and I must tell you about here! First sit down and admire her pieces! Frankly with people like this you have absolutely no reason to go to a wedding looking like you just left Black Diamonds 3 hours ago!

Ebu just look at those wedges!!

Because I cannot say much, here is the note she sent me on facebook after a mailed her!! Please meet Lavinia of African Couture

hey damaris
All my collections are based on a bibilical verse, Isaiah 55 is the label, part of the money I make I send to New Life Children's Home, and my ex home, Homeless Children's Home. Fashion is a passion for me and a love having worked with very good designers out of the country mostly in West Africa and middle east and also have those on here. 

My collections are inspired mostly by the fabrics, kenyans we dont belive in having great designs can come out of this vitengez etc, I want ladies and guys to embrace the kitenge to fullfill their different need, say events weddings, red carpets etc, there is so much. For the christmas occasion, am already designing clothes for kids too ...What can I say, I love fashion and more so art, I decore houses am also apart time chef so....what can i say ....

I am the fundi who will never mess, you never lie to you, never delay you!

PRAISE JESUS!! There now you know! Please follow African Couture on Facebook 
You can reach Lavinia on +254 706 551 305, if you dont reach tuma text, I dont have to tell you these things yawa! and please when you do just mention my name, (file under your feed the children project) the way it looks I might get an outfit from her as she already hinted it!!
African Couture
Kileleshwa NHC, Mandera road
T.: +254 706 551 305,

ED's Note
Angelina will have to take some of this blame, so I have just learnt from Jules that those pictures I have posted up there are not really her work but from VLISCO.
I am not putting the post down yet, I am still going to call on her to send me her real work.
So now you can call her check her work out, meanwhile me I will just look at the pictures.
And that is Damaris from the Institute of Incomplete Research apoligising temporarily of course untll I 
clear this maneno!
And that "ujinga ndio hiyo" that is about to come off your mouth, ikwame tu hapo!

TELEVISION OF KENYA

First of all me I have been thinking, all our local TV stations should form a coalition government, they should just merge into one channel so it be KBCKTNK24CITIZENKISSNTV national TV because frankly the show the same things, if the start with Naija ,kila mtu Naija! music, kila mutu!! then the mexican soaps that are never ending.

I watch some of those, and of course I love Naija flicks,(Patricia who I know as mama G is my favourite actress) but sometimes the mexican soaps just shinda me, this is a soap with an episode everyday, you start watching it say on Wednesday and there is this beautiful black haired woman who is crying over her boyfriend who has married another woman he does not love but pulled the pregnancy trick on him, but the child is not really his (that is usually the general plot)

Now this woman you found her crying on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, the whole damn weekend and till the following week on Sunday she is just still crying!!! Even if you are a professional cryer surely!!

So you can imagine my utter shock, near heart attack moment when I turned on one of our Zuku channel and started hearing Alejandro, hacienda storos! Sasa nime wacha huko KBCKTNK24CITIZENKISSNTV and they are fuataing me even here in zuku!! 

Anyway the girl to watch out for

She is the delicate beauty now hosting that acrobat show on Citizen TV they call Sakata, Sakata is a dance show but am telling you those kids dont dance. Me I know dancing and I also know that iyo kitu wanafanyanga on the stage is not dancing! But maybe it is our TV because, everytime I think now these ones decerve a 2 the judges give them 7, 8 or 9 points!!

Size 8 is a musician too and I love her as an actress, but really the way her hair was sticking out of that hat on the last show just shangazad me to the maximum!

Ebu look at this video of last year and it has not changed, this might as well have been from this years show! and that judge there with a kitamba on his head pia amekataa kutoa hiyo kitu since I dont know season 1!

So now am wonderiiiiing? if these ones got 10-10-11 from the judges?????? how many would have they given this kids, the Sarakasi dancers, here they are at the Fally Ipupa Concert that was at Carni last year, and I was there and these children can dance. This this is dancing hiyo ya juu sijui nini?

On that note, naomba sirkal..... atawacha niwachane nahiyo maneno, it is late and government is sleeping.

Talk kesho!

African Couture coffee and crumbs Sakata Sarakasi Size 8

09:31

The laziness that has entered my bones? I dont know what to do with myself, I have not left the house and the way am supposed to get my weave! I am useless!

Now ebu take a good look at this picture of me in usago na kikombe ya thermos, looking like I just jumped out of a United Nations Food Program poster, and the other of me sitting somewhere in Frankfurt just looking fine like as if I was Naomi Campbell. And then tell me that makeup is not a friend. Makeup is good for you! And please remember it should enhance your natural beauty, do not sheila your face madam!
The picture I put up on facebook of the women advertising that blush, here is one of the ladies on her own, even you if you look at her face does it look nice? MakeUp should enhance your looks I will repeat that until Our Lord returns if I have to!

Anglia vile ana kaa tu kama yeye! I found this on the blog of Essence magazine ile ya USA and am just still walking around with alama ya mshangao on my forehead!

I still don't think a dark woman like her and me need blush, we had discussed on Toi Facebook and some of us think if done well it can look nice. Now you know me, I am always willing to learn, so if you can do you face real nice and use blush, feel free to show us the light.

I am a small body but since age is catching up with me, and at what speed is this yawa!  I have seen the need to do some form of fitness to tone up my muscles and fukuza those dreadful cellulites but up to date, I have been doing them mentally. I have several yoga and stretching videos, I will be leaving some here once in a while so that you can do them and do them physically not mentally like me. By the way that mental exercise thing I read it somewhere!

Yes for the ambitious beginner, get your butt off the chair!

Since you have all been so nice, am going to give away one dress from my closet. I know some of you have never won anything in your entire life other than that t-shirt you got in primary for collecting the most amount of money for "hunger walk" this is  your chance:-) so just keep it here!

You all must know now the way I love watching adverts and scratching my head over them, but this THIS HAS TO BE the most effective billboard ever made in this country! I dont need you to tell me that if I drink it I am a king mara standing tall one, standing tall where and pilsner ice is taller? or Guinness drinking at the table of men or something along those lines, I dont know why they always try to be philosophical and try to be deep about stuff. Just show me the damn beer!
Like the Diva soap where they were telling us ati if you wash with that soap you will have diva qualities. As in you ingia the bathroom a meek woman and you chomoka a Jeniffer Lopez?! Please! let me not even get started on the beautiful Golden bread mama who is in her house alone hugging bread, who the hell hugs bread!! ata ukipenda mkate aje, look I love chips but imagine if you walked into my house and found me on the sofa hugging a packet of chipo, si you will just fall on your knees and start praying?!
Lakini this one!

This is what you see when coming from bus station, derailing masufferer wa Mungu for nothing, yaani you can forget what you went to do in tao and ingia the next bar haraka haraka and they way bars are many just around the corner from this! Walk straight to the bar and go like "Tusker baridi, na uzilete mbili mbili. sitaki mchezo."
Cheers!!

coffee and crumbs

06:16

Enyewe am not serious, I should be banned to Siberia. But I am still using that being mugged as an excuse for everything, I shall milk it till end of November! So just excuse the photo, and it is the attempt remember?!! I know I should have taken this picture early when fresh, but the martini was ingiaing kweli kweli. I am an easy one to derail!

As you can see I am also by the drinking hole just like Rosemary, I was going to wear a neck piece with this but I dont know how I forgot. I dont think I need to describe the outfits and where I got them, you know the drill!

Christine invited me to the Loft in yaya jana to sip expensive martini. And no there is no cheap martini incase you want to go looking:-) but then again this is kenya, some mama could be somewhere deep in kibera cooking martini and here I am saying there is no cheap martini.

I dont know if anyone is still interested in my getting mugged story, but let me just say so I stop repeating the story, I have war wounds, my mac bears some scratches, because we fought a good fight!! Even white people say dont try to steal from an apple person, because we shall fight! okay in my case it was really stupid, but reflex!!

So now onto that  story, in the matatu, si now my stop is next, so I stand up heading to the exit, this smart mama who was sitting next to me, grabs my back and starts pigaing nduru like I am the one stealing from her, commotion commotion, then the men come in just snatching things from my bag, pockets, but I dont care, Le bitch is trying to get away with my MAC!!!!!!! she takes the mac throws it under the seat, so me I just blocked her way out, you are not taking my laptop, at one point I think I was crying am just thinking this cant be happening to me again. Anyway at some point the driver stopped the matatu and came to the passengers side an helped but ofcourse that is the time half of the thugs got off.
I forgot to take the number plate of that mat, stupid.

Now lets move on to good things!

Buru Beer Festival!!!

BAAASSSSSS!!! Roundi hii hatuchezi na watu!!! Our Friend Paula Njeri who brought you this fantastic festival last year is at it again!! Habari ndio hiyo!! And Mbusi and Bonoko shall be there!! Surely what more do you want! For more info CLICK here to go to their facebok page.

Angelina will be there in full swing at Tummy Yummy Rasta Corner selling some serious alcohol stuff like this Bob Marley shooter!!

She might even throw in somethings from the grill. Even me I will be there, eating, drinking and selling! I am usually my best customer in such matters! And when am not eating, drinking or selling, I shall be signing autographs. 

So watu wa Buru and surrounding and even people from the leafy suburbs kujeni!! Because us and responsible shall be drinking together!

Buru Beer Festival TWASIJA!!

Coffee and Crumbs

So I think everybody who watches the wedding show on CITIZEN TV saw that last bride with her feathery net outfits, on last weekends show:-) She changed 3 times, 3 times!! the first gown was baby pink, the second baby blue and I have forgotten the colour of third, but surely kumbe people from Minnesota are shady like that? and even though she did that wedding in Kisum citi, I am nya Kisumo, hii maneno mbaya alitoa huko Minnesota, wame sota kweli in matters of fashion hao watu, embarrassing jaluo for nothing. Lifestyle assassination!

So I went to youtube to look for that video so I can post it here for our enjoyment. I did not find it, shouldn't the wedding show be having a youtube channel?! if they have and its just me who has not seen it, ebu buzz a woman! I dont know why the Ashleys Salon can never get Nonny's hair right, such a beautiful woman being burdened with such bad hair!

But look at what I found! Our special TV gem Ms. Lilian Muli. The face of all things tight and bright, the skinniest person on slimpossible.  Way back when she was on KTN.

Look at the way she is oozing glitter and shininess!! just gliding down the isle in clouds of all things fine and rich!!! Madam? step aside glamour has arrived!

And now her bridesmaids. That is for another post, too much! siwes mek.

Till next time:-)

coffee and crumbs

03:25

Sa what were people oyooiiiing for me (I have forgotten what oyoo is in english), but it is same as adding too much salt, that is luo by the way. Village market! village market village market! Me I did not see kitu ya kunistua pale, just a big mall with a water slide. And since it was not a normal day at the village market sikuona those wazungu trophy wives! really sad I like staring at those women, but I saw one today at westgate nga'nganaing with heels aki she was struggling and they werent even that high! a ka small chick like this with an ancient mzungu, huko the mama is wearing full fledged night makeup, surely even me I dated musungu lakini hii yao imezidi! surely!

Are you also wondering what is going on up there with that lady and her big dress, yes that was on one of the models, they had fashion design students from some universities who showcased, this was one of the students I think, there was another bogus one mpaka I said, tuwasamehe tu they are still learning!

McAdem performed! That man is a brilliant artist! great  voice, lakini me I dont know what he does with he voice sometimes, madoido miiiingi. You can think he is singing while pressed.

By the way that fashion show, me the first time I went there I was just shangaaing ala? why are they getting out of a chinese restaurant! China everywhere!

Anyway Kitenge festival. It was just a kawa market, there was some good stuff which I picked out for you and some where just kawa. The ladies really took out their kitenge/lesso/african print out for a walk, nearly everybody alikuwa amenga'ra african, very nice. Except me of course.

Okay on to the shops!

SuzieBeauty

As you know I was supposed to go meet her people, but under the being thieved by those idiots umbrella I had not made it so you can imagine my delight when I found them there!

I tested nearly everything, I want you to start buying her products, the brushes are brilliant!! and the loose powder, in fact just see for yourself, never mind my eyebrows, I was practicing doing it with their eyebrow powder which is really good, but am not good with powder!

And also it is good to put some powder around the neck and your bust, (you can see, am a bit shiny on that area) you dont want to end up with a SHEILA on the face and neck area (Sheila of TPF) Between I dont call her Sheila, I call her Seilla, with lou accent, in fact there is an ohangla man who has sang her.  (baass hiyo english ya kijaluo imerudi)

I think I can be a headmistress! I look like a headmistress! And let me tell you people I am already a celebrity, so I was over there sampling Suzie's products then I tell them I have a blog- TOI, this very smart girl  behind says, Ohh its you, I follow you!!!!! shook my hand we were smiling like crazy.. I will be signing autograph through to Thursday am famous!!

Oh here is the SHEILA look incase you were wondering. Sheila is in the middle cant be missed, I usually tell people not to do their makeup in the darkness, this could happen to you!

ZerobyZawadi

Zawadi Nyong'o was there looking fantastic like I don't know whuuat! she had these amazing stuff. She had in her stand, Journals covered in lesso.

And this is how it looks on the inside. The journals are made out of sugar paper! good stuff!

She also had these great yoga mat bags, so for all you african chic women who do yoga, ebu find her! Handmade Afro funky gift bags made out of newspaper.

ZeroByZawadi can be reached on facebook, twitter @ZerobyZawadi and zerobyzawadi. click away! And they are stocked at Vivo (at new Muthaiga Shopping Center and at the Junction), Mind, body and Spirit in Westland and at African colours in Diani.

Ayako Bertolli

Ayako the beautiful lady over here, had jewelry, really nice I loooved the long earings, she has not opened shop yet, but she is working her way there. Meanwhile she is to be seen at ayakobertolli.com.

Radiant in lesso, the lesso was not let down at all, at all at all!

That's not my beer!

Woi and when shall I finish this post, they are many! let me divert kidogo, Angelina uses food dye a lot and another thing just came to my mind, you know the way people are always complaining about the relas who come to your home unannounced and then they just set camp, they are not going anywhere  wao wamefika. I have a remedy, after a week, dye the ugali black. they shall not eat and they will go back to ushago immediately, never mind that they might go saying mama nani ni devil worshipper, they eat black ugali.

So shall we continue.

Mefa Creations

Mefa had clutch bags, sandals and lesso dresses, I loved her sandals kabisa kabisa!!

They can be seen at mefacreations.com, they are on Riara Road, off Ngong road at Hekima College.

the with yellow frills behind there is a clutch!

They have clothes too, african print, lesso........

Tropical Muse

Tina Masese the product designer at Tropical Muse also showed up and showed out. They do apparel, shoes and accessories, I love what she has done with the shoes. She has not set up shop as well, but she is here now, she can be reached at c.masese@gmail.com

These are the laptop, ipad and notebook sleeves

The rings are of ebony wood

Dukawalla

The lady over at Dukawalla too has not set up shop, she started off as a hobby, then her friends got buying her stuff and she is doing great! Her stuff is more of young fashion. They work with natural threads, so basically cotton and linen, she does pants, shorts, karftans, sundresses clutches, laptop covers. And she also had pots and trays! She sells the african fabric too.

Painted trays, and the design you see there are lesso cut outs

My absolute favourite, the kitenge pot!

okay we need a soundtrack na hii maneno ya kitenge!, am tired tho! Akina Eli are here with beers, and we are chilling.

Am back, I was enjoying beer with Angelina, QQU, Winnie and My small bro, we are just discussing general mathogothanio of kenya TV,  kumbe huko on TOi's Facebook page these children have chomoad their claws because I said Julie Gichuru was wearing big panties! Bure kabisa.

Anyway kazi iendelee!!

one drop perfumes

Now they did give me a sample (this blogging thing really has its pearks) I liked the scent, Angelina says it was tending towards Davidorffs  Cool Waters. They explained it to me, but I was not getting it properly, the guy in charge of sounds was not thinking we should be talking with the people selling. Anyway find them at onedropperfumes.co.ke and on facebook. Try them.
They are on Shop 10, 1st floor Mitho House, Konja.

Wambui Mukenyi

I don't think I need to tell you about Wambui, she is the one you know from Nancie Mwai of the fashionotebook who really loves her, I saw her collection and I was also all yays and yays! she uses lots of sheers, african print and bright colours, loved her! Ebu go find her here on FACEBOOK. Now I know why Nancie loves her

Jentu

Jentu can be reached on facebook at Jentu Everything African, I did not take any pictures, but they had these amazing lamp shades! They have lots of great stuff, please visit them!

WAZAWAZI

Chebet Mutai who is the founder of wazawazi is also just setting up shop, but she had really lovely shorts, all african print ofcourse, tees, travel bags, clutches. she is on facebook at wazawazi and online at wazawazi.co.ke

That about sums it for the Kitenge Festival, kesho nitaendelea na ile story of being mugged:-) night and have a fab week!!

Ed's Note
I have just learnt that this event was organised by Nairobi VIP Parties so for better pictures, please go to their facebook page and jienjoy! I just pulled Nancie Mwai's picture from that page, here she is looking all radiant and several shades of glamarous in Wambui Mukenyi.

Okay now I am really going to bed am not adding anything on this post!

Ayako Bertolli Jentu Mefa Creations one drop perfumes suziebeauty Tropical Muse waziwazi zerobyzawadi

08:16

Hallo Ladies and Gentlemen! Yes we have gentlemen here. I hope you have been well. I have not been well, but now am well:-) As you can see I am back!!!!! and am I have just cleared first things first out of the way.  Here is my start on Rosemary's looks.

I do have a white pair of  jeans and but I was not feeling tight.

Sweater: 50ksh TOI

Linen Pants: 450 from Kenyatta market (those guys by the roadside opposite the petrol station)

Belt: 30ksh TOI

Flat rubber shoes from Bata 360 something KSH

Bag my ancient Prada tote, I have had it since I dont know when!

I dont have any shades, because my favourite was thugged! 

Talking of thugged I will just tell you in brief what cut. Yaani just talking about it pisses me off, I mean how could I be so stuiipid!

So I was with my uncle and Mwas, at Galileo having some drinks, then when we were done, I was like ok, si mats za South B are 24/7, we go check the situation if it looks bleak.......

Sorry I have to cut that story short my ride is here and we are going to the KITENGE festival at the Village Market! see you there for those going!

01:48

Good morning dolls:-) As you know for the longest time, well since I started this blog, I have  been searching for a hot fabulous fantastic curvy fashion blogger, and Angelina has also been pushing me on that front like a crazy sister, she is my sister, I am allowed to call the crazies on her.

The last ones we looked at were just horrendous, couldn't even  be looked at for 3 seconds, we dismissed them immediately, so jana Sharon showed us the light... Good things are coming I tell you.
Ladies and Ladies Meet the FABULOUS Miss Tanesha Awasthi!!!!

Since I dont want to bore you with ongezaing unnecessary stuff, but let me just say: This mama is stylish like a nonsense! That is enough reason to make you jump out of those drab frumpy Heidi and Gretel clothes you have been wearing with the bogus excuse ati ohh am a big girl, mara I cant find nice things, nothing fits me, oh my hips are too big, my breast are too big.... do you know if I started complaining about what I don't like about my body you would fall asleep wake up fall asleep and like that till Thursday. Now really you dont have an excuse. Aki if you come up with another excuse, I will come to your office and slap you myself! Here is a quote from Tanesha's page that should motivate you further.

Although I started GWC as a way to express my love for fashion and getting dressed, it has turned into much more than that- it has become a mission for change.
I want to change lives through fashion, by promoting positive body-image, self-esteem and body-acceptance in the curvy community. Far too long has the plus size fashionista been left out of fashion, and made to think she can’t be fashionable. It’s time to create change, by making a statement that curves deserve style too!

I couldnt have said that better, heck am not that nice I would never have said that.
Find her here on her blog GIRLWITHCURVES and here on her FACEBOOK page.

FOLLOW religiously, find time to visit her page at least twice everyday, yes I know you are a busy body and just dont have much time, being corporate and stuff, I hear you, but just find the time, your husband can thank me later!

I know you may be looking at her and thinking but she has such a small waist.. Even I have noticed that, some people just have small waists, but if you have a katumbo, allow me to introduce to you  CORSET, BODY SHAPER and WAIST CINCHER, from now on you are best friends, you may not like them and they are sometimes very uncomfortable to be with and ugly, but they are your best friend in these matters. Add Wonder Bra to that list of friends, these girls will hold you down and lift you up! How many friends do you have like that?

why do they always put the skinniest women in these things?!

I should expect pictures from you so I can put them up here for the rest of us lagging behind so they can pull up theirs socks (yaani this blogging this is just great I get to use phrases that I last used in class 7!!!) and in memory of that time I repeat: MADAM!! PULL UP YOUR SOCKS!!!

Having said that, please let me add something, and this is only if you know you have the unhealthy junk/fast food habit, I know somebody has been trying to sell to you Kentucky Fried Chicken like this posh eatery, so you have decided to leave Kenchic and go KFC, ati now you want to be posh! by the way I think kenchic is better coz its just plain chicken, but its the same shit more or less, I say go but not every other day. Say sundays and not the whole bucket:-) And I know how chipo can be nice after a hard night out, but in moderation, If you over do it at one point even these friends I have introduced you to will stop liking you. Am just telling you this but I know you KNOW! but you need a sister to sing to you that.

And stop jumping up and down, wanting to say "is de bitch implying am big because of junk!, I eat healthy!" Sit down! I know not everybody is big because of junk! But you can never get enough health tips and I wanted to drop that KFC thing it has been bugging me like hell!

So anyway If you love fast food, you might want to try your hands on some simple recipes at home. I always say home food is best, but then again, isiweke mafuta nyiiiiingi half a galon because you are cooking at home.

Get into your kitchen some more, especially for those of us who are 30 and above just start watching what you eat kidogo. If you are green green like young maembe dodo in the kitchen, maybe you want to talk to Angelina, she will give you a crash course.
And the skinny bitch should not be reading this and thinking am over 30 but small let me go, you are clogging your arteries!
I want you to be healthy! Not that I am healthy (I have some of the unhealthiest habits on the planet) but if I cant, then someone else has to be.

PS.
One day KFC might want to come and advertise on this page and that is the day I will take back everything I said about them!!!!:-)))) am only human. so take that tip and keep it safe.
Do have great sunday with hangies and all:-)))))

22:21

Rosemary Kokuhilwa is a Freelance Fashion Stylist (http://rosemarykokuhilwastyling.tumblr.com/), a Fashion Blogger (http://www.fashionjunkii.com/), a certified make up-artistry, Co-founder & Chairman & CEO of Global Fashion New York Inc (http://www.gfny.org/) and an ex-model from Tanzania.

Now that you have the basic stats. Let me say my piece on Rosemary, I have been following her since she was on blogger:-) they all started somewhere I tell you! She has been off my radar for a while, but my eyes are open again!!

Meaning I am changing the game plan, Since Rosemary has more smart casuals, I want to incorporate her in the mix. She wears lots of Tanzanian labels too, which means that is very good for us, since they are just across the boarder, easy access ... So right now am going through her numerous looks and I will pick as I go. Just to breath down Sai's outfits, that some are impossible to find or mean heading to fundi like this one!

I have been thinking I should go to CBD with that bogus camera I have and get some street looks,but I am not optimistic on that front, but hope dies last!
I would also like to feature some of you here!!! so please send me your favourite shots, penye una kaa smart! We have to show that we have this bull by the balls! Ok that was a bit too theatrical. Just send me the shots, otherwise I will be forced to pull them down from your pages bila permission! 

Please note, this month is Sai's Month "in the footsteps of Sai". So its just that  once in a while, I will be throwing in Rosemary's outfits.

On Kenyan TV and the CRAZYNESS they are throwing at us.

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of the ever lovely Lilian Muli. I was immediately distracted by that weird belt she had going on there, and really who does her weaves, she bored me I went to sleep. So I missed, Slimpossible, but Angelina tells me she was in her element. It must have been very bad. So let me just quote Angelina "Maze. This chick never ceases to amaze my with her world cup dumbness. Must they keep bringing her on tv? Can't they give her a job ushering in guests or just posing for photos? Maze. Naomba serekali iingilie ndani itusaidie. Please."

I must make a point of watching her close and reporting that foolery she has going on. Naomba serikali iangalie maneno ya wardrobe pia. And while we are at that, the hell is with Ms. Mbugua, she looked sickly and tired on Thursday and she has taken over Lilian Muli's stylist!!! WHUAY?!!

Meanwhile somewhere in America this §!à'çéè'!"$`was !"çéà'!"è'§é up the African print. I think in special moments like I should be allowed to use explicit language! Whats this fuckery?

 

Foolishness, pure foolishness!!

I hope your weekend is rolling great, the weather here is stupid!

02:16

DEARESTEST!!! first I had food poisoning! YOU can ask my house mate Kui who will confirm this because she has been feeding me porridge and fruits. In fact I have been updating the Toi facebook account from under my blankets, and I will also have you know that we have vicious rude mosquitos that bite even at day time and are resistant to Mortein Doom! I have been working under duress without pay!

I got up to dress very late (being weak and stuff) so we caught very poor lighting and as you know today there was no sun. you can see here the sun is on my ahem!! hair but half of me is bilaz, so I look like fanta and cocacola and as you know I am not the one to put half baked shit over here just like that, So concider this sneak peak my way of showing you that I am trying (yes even me I can whine) you know the way losers always whine about trying their best! yep thats me.

And I have been complaining about my camera, which we should do a harambee to help feed Damaris and to buy a camera. FEED THE CHILDREN. FEED AFRICA! that usually gets white people writing cheques very fast, you should try it, writing a cheque, a very rewarding feeling.

I am going to do this properly! (cross my heart and hope to nini:-)

Juliet tells me that my picture is being used somewhere somewhere! This is a sign that I am getting famous, now I had promised on my facebook wall that when I get famous and rich, kila mtu ata kula kabambe ya 10 bob, but now that you are so many I see I had spoken a bit fast. I am negotiating

with my lawyer one, James Orengo so we can reduce that Kabambe to 3 bonga points each. This is a good thing considering one bonga point is 10bob.

I am not going to say how I promise that kesho  etc etcetera just know I will do this thing properly.

Incase you are struggling with that forgiveness thing, here is a song from India Arie that I used to play to my ex in a loop, not because of love but you know when you have broken up and you are drunk on good wine and have your phone and now you are feeling all shades of confident. You are ready to stalk with sms and emails and sms and some more smses, you are texting him crazyness, he should know he is the most bogus man you have ever met !, Useless!, if you had to sleep with him to save the planet, you would slit your wrists first, Good for nothing run over shoes!! Crooked nose, potatoe teeth!, rugly assed  m*****cker!!! AFTER ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU!!!!!!

He is still not responding? thats when you hit him with India Arie!

Cheers! Now where the hell is my drink!

08:37

I greet you that it is  good morniiiiiing!!!! - or better still " it has opened!" (if you dont understand that english ebu ask a luo).

Now, since I have been leaving something here every morning, I thought I post something for you to sukuma the morning with:-) Now many of you know the realtionship between me and Her Excellency, the majestic first lady of Cameroon the one and only Ms. Chantal Biya.

Chantal is the delicate petals of roses falling gently in the magnificent garden of beauty and everything shiny. Chantal's hair is done by a thousand unicorns and cherubs every morning, that is why we must all bow down at her delicate feet which we are not even fit to kiss in AWE (dont even bother read that as (o) just read as AAWWEEH! A halo of perfection and sequins is over her head at all times.

Chantal is also the permanent honorary ambassador  and official face of hooker heels, acrylic nails, the birkins bag and red hair (in fact all things flaming). I think she has more that 10 of those birkins bags.

Ms. Chantal's magnificent coiffure is so legendary that you can walk into any salon in Cameroon and say I want a chantal! Her eyebrows should be a subject taught in every art school across the continent. So special are those eyebrows, I have baptised them Maria De Semparadas.

Show some respect: go over to Ms. Biya's Facebook page and pay homage to her majesty!

Throw back and Things to come

I took your advise and opened a Toi Facebook Page I hope this will make the alerts easier! and I think we are already at 145 LIKES!! yeeeh.

I have been going over my facebook page and I will be bringing over some stuff here for those who did not see them. Here is the cover of some magazine, that several people sat down and came up with the schuupid clever name the nsyder, or is that insyder? anyway I posted it on facebook a while back, if you look at this cover you will understand why I am on a crusade to end this foolishness!

These are celebrities, even writing that is painful! there is no where to begin on the wrongness of this cover. so just weep with me. I Have been told the name of the girl in the middle and I forget it seconds later. But you got to love Size 8 in Mashtaka, she really is a brilliant actor, lakini hii, hapana, but on a positive note, she is wearing panties, even though they are big panties. Even you have them! BUT they are just never good with a dress this tight!

Now there is some kenyan girl running the streets of Westlands heading to black diamonds dressed like this, just sad.

Did I hear someone saying they are looking for a husband?!! you know good men have become so rare in this city that they are an endangered species, and all single ladies I know you need all the help you can get. After searching high and low, I found something that might help, in fact this is your last stop.

And only one thousand!!!, one thoussaandss!!! (insert luo accent), if you don't find a husband after this then just lie down and wait for Jesus to come and take you because you cannot be helped - I  have spoken with the authority of a single 34 year old!

Have a good one, I already posted todays look on our brand new facebook page!! Mkiendelea hivi, in another 3 months I will be standing in some podium waving royally like the queen and saying how I love my fans!!

Cheers!

Chantal Biya

21:36

I had promised that I would find out the designers who were at Swahili Fashion Week and give you their details. The above collection is from SHENU HOODA, she is pakistani, but lives here. (I think), I loooooved her collection, I can see me in these, was one of my favourites!!! I have not found out more about her on the net, because I only looked on facebook:-) am a graduate of Rusinga Institute of Incomplete Research but am on it. I have her phone number if you are interested though.

Now on Today's Look, aki I need a good camera, do cameras have a reset to factory settings thing? I will have to fix this. I had everything on almost perfect and the shots were a disappointment so, please please bear with me (I always wanted to use that phrase bear with me) I did not go to school for nothing!

Liz and I are going to Toi next weekend, so those who want to jump on that band wagon, buzz a woman.

I am very excited, today I had over 1000 views, how coolest is that?!! Thank you ladies.

Angelina took Nancie Mwai's advice here on Fashion Notebook, She went to Ebrahims and got the Himalaya face scrub, and lip balm and we already love!!!

Since Julliet is still taking time with that eyebrow tutorial, I found a video on the DONTS! you can thank me later. Hata afadhali uwache tu, just dont touch that area if you are not sure, you know the way Charity Ngilu does it. 

On being Perfect... and why the hell NOT??!!

So, I have been reading these things circulating on the net that starts like this.... I may not be perfect but... I may not have a supermodel figure but I am sijui whuat not" I say FUUCK THAT SHIT! You are perfect, infact saa hii just go to the bathroom look at yourself in the mirror and say I am perfect. If you are having body issues that we all have you can do something about it, but if you are okay with everything the hell is someone depressing you with stories za am not perfect.

But just because nime sema you are perfect usijaribu maneno kama hii, Infact if your friend is walking around like this buy her razors, makasi, gillette,  and do the way my friend Sandie advised me on how to deal people I know with smelly mouths. Walk over and tell him/her "I am bored, let's go brush out teeths"

But do not let your friend walk out like this, even you ukiangalia hii Naro Moru Natural Forest under this woman's arms do you think it is nice? Jesus wants you to shave!  

I was to post this last night but Zuku died on me so I went out to Twisted Hops and I just woke up:-) So treat this as jana's post and expect another one today!!!. Now I have to get on with regular my regular job!! Toodles... (see the way I am becoming trendy in my language)

Eyebrows MakeUp Shave

22:36

The reason am giving Sai that "WHAT IS" look is you. Colour, Colour I am bringing in colour and as you can see am taking it slow, no need to over do it. Quick Outfit Budget, I have to give budget because of my blouse, it is HM divided, I got it at Toi for 30bob, HAHA HA:-) The skirt 700ksh Toi, you remember I told you about the guys outside.

The clutch I got along time ago, it is Mango or was it Zara, I forget and the watch which you see me with kila siku is Emporio Armani, I am allowed one Luxury!!!

I took Christine to the JKIA today, she gave me a reason to get out of the house and do outfit 5. 

The airport is such a depressing and happy place all wrapped up in one, we were at that bar on Terminal one, the toilets are somewhere there at the back you cant even find them; and right there on the toilet's direction sign "Fly High Avent Salon and Barbers" kwani whats with us kenyans, who goes at the back of the airport next to the toilet to have their hair cut?!!

I also did notice that we are poor huggers, I mean we are just shifty and awkward with the whole hugging business.

My friend from Sweden has not arrived with that weave, so am still waiting.

Ok kwisa stories za outfit, I talked to Suzie Wokabi of Suzie Beauty products!! A very nice lady. First of all, I have heard only good stuff about her beauty line and the fact that she is one of our own is enough! I will meet with some of her people who will walk me through her products, then I will do a test drive then you will know everything from me, but meanwhile if you are looking for make up try her, now that I have already told you I heard good things! Will update as soon as I test.

My Eyes Decieve Me

So have you picked this copy of

I came home the other day and found Angelina had bought a copy, I perused quick and put it back on the table, already am saying how this is fantastic, they have improved, the only thing I had noticed, cover is very colourful and ANND wait for it...... The pictures of parties they attended have gone to the back!!!!!! like all normal magazines and Carol Mandi looked fantastic in that LBD! 

Those are good enough reasons to give it a thumbs up, plus Nancie Mwai the blogger I was telling you about (seated left) and Suzie Wokabi (standing right) are on the cover, what more can a woman ask for. Between hao wengine siwajui, I dont watch the news in kiswahili, am jaluo kiswahili si mdomo yangu.

So, Angelina is huko just very quite as I number these great improvements, a disastrous sign on these matters, then she asks me, "have you really read it or at least looked at the pictures PROPERLY, start with the editorial spread" (for those who dont know that is the fashion page)

My friend..

Mpaka I started speaking in a french accent, ze hell iz zhis?!! as in seriously,!! somebody please shoot me!!! and apparently it is a dress. I fainted at the price. Is there any one of you ladies who would buy this batman thing for 62,000KSH, even for halloween?

You have to see this for yourself, my camera is not doing it justice! And that photographer what did they do to this woman?!! (the female saints are weeping)

I went quickly to the recipes page, food has a way of putting me in a good mood, now there they confused me kabisa sijui how have they arranged those recipes, I decide to go back to the front page, the photo story on the the cover's photoshoot....

Would you call this endless?!! options??!! nguo tatu?! na naona the end of the rail?!!! I always thought if you are selling me something, you should atleast try and impress me. Maybe like this, this is not even endless nabado imeshinda hiyo endless ya true love

Even one of the ladies in the photo spread agrees with us, she looked at that endless rail of clothing options and went

day outfit Editorials Truelove

17:49