Showing posts with label big panties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label big panties. Show all posts
Good friday boys and girls. Lets just get to that picture up there. Now you know the way 
I get excited excited every time our TOI here gets a nod from important persons? 
YES! Bata gave us a nod, how cool is that, its not that it was a certificate or a medal, 
but a small comment on that Converse post I had done previously. 
If you do not remember read something HERE.
So I was not lying about getting my Northstar. Just wanted to get that off my chest. 
Okay I wanted to thump my chest.

There is a universal code somewhere out there, that a chucks shot must be 
accompanied by beer. I follow rules.

So I was browsing the net the other day when I came across something that is worth 
mentioning. Women take clothes seriously. Really if we did not, do you think I would 
be here. Kate Moss is back at TOPSHOP, I really do love this Kate and her cheap high 
end stuff. Affordable and great.

Yaani this is how the humans came out to meet Ms. Moss' new collection. I know I love
clothes but surely, this is a bit too much.
But that aside, Ms. Moss showed up and showed out!!

I await for next season so I can look like that. It is only time then all these will be at Gikosh 
and Toi. Patience pays. I read that somewhere and I am very sure the person who came 
up with this phrase is a poor person.

I have picked out some pieces from the collection I liked for your consideration enjoyment. 
Be inspired and if you have relas huko London, ask them to send you something. 
Otherwise be inspired.


You know how I love leather and leather like small jackets? well here is my favourite!!!

And what would the world be without sequins? Somebody should volunteer to reward 
me for the thankless payless job and I am doing over at TOI and just buy me this 
jacket and the sequinned top.

Last but not least for the bohemian chic. There you go! I want to strongly suggest this 
look to the corporate girl, you know on weekends and girls night out? there is a look 
your people are expecting sindio, there is a way people expect you to look as a corporate 
woman, go full throttle   ethnic. Then walk into the room and be very stern like main 
British and say "The Queen has a arrived" You will thank me for the look on their faces.



BIG PANTIES

Ya'll know big panties are good. They are comfortable and...... well comfortable. But I have 
noticed the girls want to have their cake and eat it  (I have never understood that phrase) 
I am sure it is not appropriate here but just roll with it. I was saying you cannot wear big panty and want to wear a tight dress or trouser.

Do you see the problem? I thought so. Seriously what could possible be nice about this? 
I think women should have double mirrors in the house, so you can see your front and back 
before you leave the house. Or real friends, every woman should have real girlfriends who tell 
you about your backside. 

Okay those ones are just wearing very very small panties. Did you know undies also have sizes? why the hell would you want to buy a child's panties? and the other one is thinking white panties are okay with a white see through dress.

Anyway there is no problem regarding clothing that cannot be fixed. If you cannot do thongs or 
go full commando, think SPANXS.

Ladies and gentlemen this is a spanxs
It might not be the sexiest underwear on the planet, but that I cant deal with right now. 
The good thing about this clothing is that it also puts everything in place. Being together is key, you cannot be all over the place. Things just hanging left and right.

Have you ever wondered (and really you should only have wondered if you are very young) 
why those hollywood celebrities you like to stalk always look flawless on the red carpet in tight dresses and you are just think oh my God! they are so flawless and smooth on the backside like their asses are ironed every morning before they leave the house?, mh!

SPANX! Look closer...... Take all the time you need.

Not close enough?
Alafu ku kaa vizuri and getting out of  a car like a lady ndio utajifunza. They come in all shapes, colours and sizes so, just get your favourite. And do not forget that size is important. I do not know why women always buy a size smaller, like you are a size 14 and you are buying a 12, you do realise it is not going to make you smaller, its like in our heads we think when you undress the body will see the new small size piece and shrink to fit.


And then walk like a lady, tu small small steps, one foot infront of the other. I am positive 
you will thank me later.

Just so you do not feel bad, I am also on my way to get several as my ass is beginning 
to jiggle when I walk. Nothing to be ashamed of, happens to the best of us lazy people 
who do not take working out seriously.

TOI BOOKS

I have been reading but, not sharing. This is bad, very bad. I had started this segment 
but the devil came between us.
If you are a book lover then you have heard of this stunning woman. If you have not heard 
of her you might want to reconsider the space on earth you are you are occupying because 
it is going to waste.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

And isn't she loooovelyy?? (insert Stevie Wonder's Song here)
What you want to know is that Ngozi's books are published by Kwani Trust.
Kwani Trust is a Kenyan based literary network dedicated to developing quality creative 
writing and committed to the growth of the creative industry through the publishing and distribution of contemporary African writing, offering training opportunities, producing literary events and establishing and maintaining global literary networks. Our vision is to create a 
society that uses its stories to see itself more coherently.

Ebu stand up so we can all clap for ourselves. Enyewe this our country is going places. 
Anyway Chimamanda is very very smart. 
And since I am a person who can never be left behind in that bandwagon.
I started off with  Half of a Yellow Sun.
Unaona hapo juu wameandika "Heartbreaking, funny, exquisitely written and without a doubt, 
a literary master piece and a classic"? All true oo. This is a very good book. But Pantu 
Nollywood iliaribu kila kitu in my brain, I finished that book and murmured a curse of acute diarrhoea to the person who brought Nollywood to Kenya and his offsprings to the end of 
life------I stole that curse from this book. 

I hear Half of a Yellow Sun is going Hollywood and we thank God because Nollywood would 
have killed us with Half of A Yellow Sun part 7, Half of Yellow Beyonce, Half of a Yellow Yellow
part 3. etc etc until I don't know when.
And because I was very impressed I am onto AMERIKANAH!!!

Eh this one is a favourite, I am feeling it because I was once in ze diaspora. If you are in the diaspora toka kwa nyumba saa hii huu go get this book. BRILLIANT!!! 


There is another storo I am going to piga for you in my next post, it is of that man I almost 
killed. If I had killed him, I would have gone back and killled him again. But I need further consultation with the girls.


It is FRIIDAAYYYY! and it has just rained!!! Watu wakamatane!!!! And do not forget to celebrate us, we are at 12,801 likes on FACEBOOOOOK!!!


 
Do you know the way the women have been fanning themselves furiously while watching this video? Including yours truly? They have just done a small video thanking the fans on facebook, alafu I go to the comment section another mama there has gone on and on and one about how she liked Sauti Sol and now they are being cheap they are talented and they do not need to do this bla bla bla - Shenzi type. Bure kabisa, she has annoyed me with her useless preaching.

Anyway I really do not feel the Friday hype, you know being unemployed and stuff. But do have a good one, a gud one, a gudu wan!

First off

its going to be a marathon and as you well know, no good story ever started with a salad.

I have been away and I just woke up because bloggers are being awarded, aki if I had know I would have taken ka Toi seriously, but that is nothing to worry about I was busy working, you know the kind of work that pays rent and stuff.


I missed everything! but I was doing pretty good on the job front, me I don't lie, I was in the DN and shit.


And when you have been in the papers, you behave accordingly. So I was seen on several occasions at Villa Rosa Kempinski


Drinking expensive coffee. Expensive water, that water is 950KSH, when I tell you its expensive, am not joking.. Expensive beer!!! Expensive food.

I trust you are by now sufficiently jealous. If not yet, then please know I was also being interviewed by bloggers around the globe, because I am a very, important person. If you do not believe, read the interview HERE!!!

There are disadvantages that are not really disadvantages that come with this kind of importance but trust me I am feeling it - I grew fat! That is not necessarily the Kempinski life, really my life usually looks like this in the evening.... 

Not exactly, but more or less. You can now breath easy.

The body is clever, and it tells us things that we just ignore; It started this way, I was taking a bike (boda boda) from state house road, no buses go there and my mercedes was at CMC. When I lifted my leg to panda, I had that terrible noise TRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!. Right between my crack. It may sound funny now but then it was not, because I had another meeting. Warning number one; me huko I do not care am still stuffing meself with matumbo and kadhalika.

Several months later we are in Kisumu on a jobo, out there near Tuskys I meet those boys with the weighing machines, I weigh myself, that thing is reading 63kg!! needless to say I tukanad him and told him to stop operating faulty machines. I go home and try one of my my jeans I had carried, it doesnt even go beyond the thighs!!! Warning number 2!

After this jobo, my Cuzo, who was my boss decides we are going to Mombasa to celebrate. Me in my cleverness I carried 3 of my short shorts and a bikini, nothing else. We fika over there. I try on the first shorts..

mind you those shorts used to be buggy.

My cuzo has mercy on me and gives me one of her dresses. Now it is obvious that I had not worn a dresse in quite sometime, because I noticed - my thighs where touching, as in when I walk the thighs rub against each other, a very alien thing to me, so half of the holidays I was walking legs apart like a circumcised person. Is there anything worse? possibly.

I get back home, then I start noticing things, (yeah I had noticed nothing before, I have selective amnesia). First things first, I try most of my shirts, my arms are too fat, as in my arms cannot go through sleeves. Two, 18 pairs of my jeans cannot go passed my knees...

Thank you.

I am feeling the depression, so now I have done that re-run, of what evil things I must have eaten and or drunk, the devils that might be in my closet sewing my clothes tighter and its just not adding up. And as usual and for only God knows what reasons, you have to have more reasons as to why you have added this kind of "sudden" amount of weight. Yeah it was very sudden.  I did not notice anything (if you are at this point with me and just did a pregnancy test, you need professional help). SO next reason. I did notice I am still somewhat stuck in the ex zone and I was doing a lot of drunk texting and calling and being just all shades of crazy..(must be the major reason for adding this kind of not explainable weight). Frankly I do not know why this Ex factor keeps cropping up, as in really what part of "E" and "X" is difficult to understand. 

Anyway, I think this EX factor situation is like a drug, you get over it but you still have lapses, because just the other day I was with June, then after a few; I was already talking some stupid things of how we should casually drop by his local, CASUALLY DROP BY!!! she gave me this withering bitch please look, I wachad that storo haraka haraka - God bless good friends - who save you from cheap embarrassments!  I repeat, why I do it, I do not know! ... am already thinking we need a soundtrack to go with this story, it is already sounding extremely pathetic (more wine please, and at this point am not going to be picky, red, white, rose, drosty hof, carton whatever)..

Did you know that a man can make a woman crazy, as in batshit crazy of walking on the streets naked and talking to imaginary friends? but seriously,


You have been there, we have all been there!! unless ofcourse you married you highschool sweetheart (God bless you girlfriend if you did, you are a rare special human). Then there was the little small factor of my dad telling me that I am still very young and can still get a husband; The universe is fucking against me!!! But I have taken comfort in the amazing life I have. Great friends, and generally am alive, that is good, I am walking a lot, not all the time but I am trying, drinking lots of fluids (questionable are these fluids) but fluids all the same, and I am doing some yoga, I got some videos on Youtube, I do the routines most of the time, but sometimes I do them mentally. I am in a good place.

Am ambitious like that! This is really short, but start here. There are more vids and tuts on this; start pole pole and progress upwards to the 1hour 55 minutes I downloaded and have never gone past 16 minutes. Baby steps.

NOW, WHILE I WAS AWAY...

Yaani I leave you kidogo like this and you are already doing your own things. The other day I was at Adams Arcade just minding my own business at the chips place when this very well casually dressed woman comes in. She is wearing leggings, a jacket (blazer) and flats and generally looks very nice.. And as you know I like to look at good things twice... then a mama turns and I see a very depressing situation.

okay thats not her, but you get where I am going with this.

My friend, leggings are not pants!!!!!!!!!!!

You now see women walking all over the place..... (yaani you thought I was not going to go into fashion).. please.
Anyway. sheer Leggins are good, they are light and warm and sexy and versatile  but they are not PANTS! And you know am beginning to think the mirror is a liar, because you can look at yourself in the mirror,  the sheer is reflecting, and the mirror too, so you think its okay. NO it s not! This is how it looks like out there where you are busy strutting your stuff on the streets of Nairobi.

The mirror was obviously cheating you, or maybe you need to draw the curtains! And do you think it is really necessary to be a walking anatomy lesson?

I know the look you are going for but, this is not it!!! kwanza this one picked a brown one then decided to wear big white panties.

Thats how you look like from the back, I am telling you the truth. And do not think because your skin tone is Lupita its not showing, IT IS!!!
and the front is no better, trust me.

Do not do this woman, you are embarrassing your children and your future grandchildren.
I know you may think these options are boring, but I think they are not, they are very sexy (we all like that) and fashion forward (I like that)



You've got to cover your ass darling, this is chic, clean, and really the best way to go.

Did I mention cover your ass? Way to go girl! way to go.
Here is another link at GLAMOUR, cool ways to wear those leggings. Go stare at those pictures. And really disco is over, dead gone, do not go there, just forget it.


No! leave those to your children.
Seriously, NO!
There is another thing that I have to constantly remind folks, these are my opinions and I am not Moses holding the tablets. The other day this girl came on to facebook and asked me where my shop is, I told her I do not have a shop and that I am not doing much large scale buying now, except for specific clients, then she comes back and tells me ati "then why are you advertising if you are not selling to everyone?" Me huko thinking, now whats wrong with this one? READ!
That will be all for today, as you know


This is obviously the main reason I have not been nominated for anything on the  Kenyan Blog Awards 2014. But please click on that link and vote for your favourite blogger, I have voted for Biko, whose writting I have a serious crush on, and of course Nancie Mwai, who I am hopping will take all awards pertaining to fashion blogging home, VOTE VOTE  (yes I have) and Nancie is expecting a baby and really all pregnant fashion forward women should rush to her blog and save all her pictures on their desktops and tablets, she looks stunning on this journey, not that I expected anything less.
PS. That story of big panties is coming kesho. Loads of love.
xx